Love & Pain

I had never known what pain really felt like. Until then. I glimpse her in the distant horizon. Her hair flowing gently in the breeze, the smell of her perfume drifting towards me creating the illusion that she was close, as if I could just stretch my hand and stop her, her figure diminishing with every step she took. My heart bled and painted the sky red.

I had never considered the possibility that it was not in our fates to be together. Only if I had known..

We were opposites in every sense of the word. I never had a care in the world, where as her every step was carefully planned. She had a pure heart, mine was full of spite. She helped others, I was jealous to my very core. Now that I look back, the only thing that we had in common back then was the love of reading. It was annoying to me at first, how every time I went to the library to get some reading done peacefully, she'd look up from a book and give that life-is-so-beautiful smile of hers. It annoyed me further when my jibes intended directly at her failed to affect her in any manner. She would just flash her teeth as if saying, "You are confused. I forgive you."(Yeah, she had an assortment of smiles, one for every situation she found amusing).

The day we first talked, I mean a real conversation, not a barrage of remarks thrown at her by me, is still etched clearly in my memories. It was raining and I had forgotten my raincoat. I was soaking in the rain and cursing the gods when she came up to me and said "You'll catch a cold, Why don't you come under my umbrella?" Condescending as she sounded to me, she was right. "Why does she care if I catch a cold or not? I'd have left her soaking in the rain had it been the other way round."

"We should walk." She said, "This rain isn't gonna stop for hours"

"You call the shots, after all its your umbrella." But not for long.. I thought, as an evil grin spread over my face. She was a talker. She kept babbling about this new book she was reading and how she spent her evenings, when I decided I could take it no more. I snatched the umbrella from her hands and made a run for it. Talk all you want standing in the rain. Next day in class she came up to me and said "Will you be returning the umbrella or you still need it. Its not a problem if you do, I'll just get a new one. I had been planning to get one for quite some time now." God girl, hit me.

Teacher's day was round the corner and the preparations were in full swing. She was right in the middle of things, buying gifts, selecting the music, writing out invites. She even volunteered to decorate the walls. She was tying balloons to the ceiling fan when her foot slipped off ladder. I should have let her fall to the ground. If not for the fun then to teach her a lesson not to be miss-goody-two-shoes. But I caught her. She was light as a feather and I could have held her in my arms for hours, not that I wanted to.

"Thank you" she blurted out.

"Whatever, Anyway get this in your thick head. I didn't catch you, you happen to have fallen in my arms before I could get them out of the way."

There-is-good-inside-you smile.

I was getting soft. I had to end this once and for all.

"Sir, she's calling you names" I stood up and told the teacher.

"What sort of names?"

"Something along the lines of 'You nasty piece of shit' ". The class roared with laughter.

"Get out of my class both of you, This very instant."

"Why me sir? What have I done?" I asked.

"What did you have to repeat the names for?"

"I was getting kind of bored sitting in the class" She said.

"Really, you are not mad at me for framing you. I'll understand if you are"

"Hey, you wanna grab something to eat while we are out. There's this place nearby that makes amazing sandwiches" she changed the topic of our conversation.

"Ah, Why the hell not. By the way, sorry for leaving you in the rain without your umbrella"

What the Hell, Where did that apology come from?

The sandwich was really good.

We began going out a lot together after that. I hated myself for it but couldn't do anything about it. It was great talking to her. It always left me with a feeling of inner peace, something which I had never before known existed. I knew something was going on. Hell, everyone around me knew something was going on. I vividly remember those days when we used to shy away from the prying eyes of the classmates, the long evening walks hand-in-hand, the arguments, always started by me, which used to fizzle out because she would concede anything rather than fight me.

Days passed, months passed and so did a whole year. Suddenly I found out she was leaving. Not a word to any soul. I ran as fast as I could to the station but she was gone.
That night I had a dream. I had never known what pain really felt like. Until then. I glimpse her in the distant horizon. Her hair flowing gently in the breeze, the smell of her perfume drifting towards me creating the illusion that she was close, as if I could just stretch my hand and stop her, her figure diminishing with every step she took. My heart bled and painted the sky red. I knew I would never be the same again.

"'Tis better to have loved and lost Than never to have loved at all."